ehuntstanfield
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Lose Weight
Star this Commitment
Week 52 of 52
ehuntstanfield commits to:
Lose 95 lbs. in 52 week(s)
52
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My Commitment Journal
 ehuntstanfield
August 11, 2019, 9:09 AM
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ehuntstanfield
August 11, 2019, 9:09 AM
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ehuntstanfield
April 2, 2019, 9:08 PM
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Hi Everyone, Weight loss wise I'm staying on track. However documenting it not so well. I've been really wanting to keep up with my commitment journal. I find that there is always something in my way. I feel so overwhelmed. I feel that I never have any time for myself. I work 12 hour shifts at a hospital and have a long commute. I love my job. I love what I do. I love that it keeps me active. I love the patients that I work with. My work is very physically, emotionally, and socially intensive. When I get home I have just enough time to shower and get 7 hours of sleep if I'm lucky. During those days I'm in survival mode. I have no time for reflection. I wish it was not this way. I hate the culture of the unit I work on. It hurts me so much to see the suffering the patients go through. I feel so powerless to help them. My job is to advocate for patients. I do everything I can to advocate for them. I go through all the appropriate channels. Every channel I go through ends up putting a road block up. I keep going. There is another one. I keep going and another one. It is extremely frustrating. I advocate using only facts. Then the opposing side always argues using what ifs. Its obvious they are not listening. It is obvious they are not being critical. It is obvious they are making a lot of assumptions. It is obvious they pretty much just don't want to do the extra work that is required to do the right thing. I'm not asking them to do anything extraordinary. I'm asking them to do their job. I shouldn't even be in that position. They should just automatically do it. If I push too hard they try to say that I'm going outside my scope when I am not. It is my job to advocate for the patient and to report abnormalities. That is all that I'm doing. I just feel so gaslighted, manipulated, abused, and taken advantage of. All I want is to keep patients safe, and promote healing. I feel powerless to do that on the unit that I work on. There is a culture of not asking questions or challenging authority. I don't want to challenge anyone at my work but I'm obligated because of all the messed up shit that I see. If that patient was me, a family member, or a friend you bet that I would not let anyone be negligent or cause harm. Family members have much more advocating power than I do unfortunately. I do everything I can to advocate but it seems nothing changes. After my three 12 hour shifts I feel so exhausted, angry, and defeated. Then when I go home I feel obligated to take care of my grandmas and aunts emotional needs. They love me so much. I'm so grateful for them. However when I come home I need my space so I can process everything. However they want to have a transcript of all the shit I just went through and I do not have the energy to share it with them. They have so many plans and tasks they need help with but they need to give me some time to reset. I love them so much, care about them, and do enjoy their company, but I have to reset and take care of myself first. I feel so overwhelmed by my home life and work life that there is never enough time for me to reflect. I get so frustrated. I love writing. I'm a very contemplative person. There are many creative projects and ideas that I want to work on. I feel so sad because by the end of my days off I realize I haven't done anything that I've wanted. I've only done what other people wanted me to do. I put everyones needs before my own. I'm so exhausted and overwhelmed that I hate answering the phone for anyone, I hate texting, I hate reading texts, I hate my email, I hate my mail. I just want everyone to leave me alone. I realize that is not an option. What is an option is creating time for myself and making boundaries. I can't have all the time to myself but if I make time for myself first then I will not mind spending time with others. This work and home life cycle I'm going through is driving me into the ground. I cannot stand working where I work. I tried to make positive changes but got no where. I realize its time for me to leave and be in a environment that is supportive and full of toxic stress. If I do this then I will not need so much time to decompress. I will have more joy. I will not feel so tired or overwhelmed on my days off. I will feel lighter. I was so overwhelmed that I forgot to report my progress and now I'm afraid that on top of everything I'm going to have to worry about money. For the record my current weight is 189.9lbs. Last week on Thursday 3/28/2019 my weight 191.1lbs. I'm thankful for stikk for keeping me committed. If I did not lose weight during this difficult time I probably would be so overwhelmed that my life would be a lot worse. I don't think I would be able to put up with the stress. |
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ehuntstanfield
December 17, 2018, 9:15 PM
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Hello Everyone, It's been a very long time since I wrote a thoughtful entry. This entire year I've been feeling overwhelmed by doing simple things. Simple things like checking my mail, my email, journaling, staying organized, cleaning, and keeping in touch with friends+family are all very simple things but for some reason cause extreme anxiety in me. I've been isolating myself from everything and avoiding as much responsibility as I can get away with. I feel miserable. I feel like I've wasted this entire year. I feel like I've made very little progress towards achieving my goals in life. Despite this I've at least kept on track with my weight loss goal. As of Friday 12/14/18 I weighed in 216lbs. I feel thankful that at least I'm slowly but surely moving in the right direction in one area of my life. However I'm so disorganized I failed to report my weight in a timely manner. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I forgot to report last week as well. Luckily the stickk team was super flexible and understanding. I don't know how they will react to me doing this 2 weeks in a row. Today I went to my naturopathic doctor. I refuse to go to a western medicine doctor. They left me undiagnosed with hashimotos thyroiditis until I turned age 25. They did this despite they had a lab result that clearly showed I had hashimotos as early as 2011. I probably have had it since at least my teen years. I have not been taking good care of my health this year. I've been missing my appointments. I need to get my thyroid tested regularly to adjust my thyroid medication but I missed some appointments and now I've been off my thyroid med for over a month. At first it felt good to stop taking it because I was starting to develop hot flashes. My hot flashes instantly went away so I thinking I was taking a dosage that was too high. But now the hot flashes are back even worse and I'm sure that I went from hyper to hypothyroidism. Both conditions cause hot flashes. I had such a severe hot flash at the store last night. Soon as I walked in sweat started dripping off my face. I was sweating everywhere! I didn't start to cool down until I was home an hour later, sitting still, and drinking water. Also my energy levels are lower than ever. I've been eating right and exercising regularly so you would think my energy would improve but yesterday I was totally wiped out. I was so tired I didn't wake up until 1pm. After I woke up I went to lie down on the couch. I didn't even go to the gym! Then at 6pm I went back to sleep. I didn't wake up until 3:30am this morning. Yesterday I did get motivated to clean my room and get christmas gifts ready. I had some energy. After I spent about 30 minutes on presents I was too exhausted to write any cards or finish cleaning my room. It made absolutely no sense to me. I felt very distraught. There are so many things I've been wanting to do for so long but when it comes time to doing them I am too exhausted. This is very upsetting to me. I got a blood test done today. I hope I can get on the correct thyroid med soon. I also hope I can keep up my healthy eating and exercise, and hope that I can get my energy levels back up. |
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Aug 11, 2019
Displaying 1-4 of 52 results.
August 1 to August 8
Successful
Success
160 lbs.
152.6 lbs.
July 25 to August 1
Successful
Success
161.83 lbs.
161 lbs.
July 18 to July 25
Successful
Success
163.65 lbs.
162.9 lbs.
July 11 to July 18
Successful
Success
165.48 lbs.
165 lbs.
ehuntstanfield
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ehuntstanfield
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