leafboy
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Yearly Journal
Star this Commitment
Week 25 of 52
leafboy commits to:
Reporting at least on a weekly basis.
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My Commitment Journal
 leafboy
October 20, 2024, 6:06 PM
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Yesterday was my birthday. I remained in my bed for the first half of the day, feeling that I had not done much. Thoughts were racing in my head. I was partially bedridden due to me staying up late the day prior at Abigail's birthday party. A significant portion of the day was spent on deciding where we were going to eat, as Lithia Springs is significantly farther from our usual go-to "Indian" restaurant, Mughals. Funnily enough, we just ended up going to Mughals after contemplating for like a solid 30 minutes with the family... I was writing in a notebook about how birthdays had been one of the best days of my life. For good reason too, because birthdays are days meant to celebrate your being in this world. My previous birthdays, people who I don't interact with too often would wish me happy birthday. |
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leafboy
September 22, 2024, 1:38 PM
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Its been a minute. There's some stuff in the works and big changes are coming ahead. We are planning on moving away from Sugar Hill to Lithia Springs within the next 3 weeks. I've applied to one job, the usps carrier assistant position in Villa Rice. I'm going to be more proactive with the job search in the upcoming weeks as we transition to our new house. Gotta make some bread to support the fam and myself. Yesterday, I hung out with Josiah and his friend group for like 6 hours lol. It was interesting to see the dynamics of a female influence the males within the group. The behavior of the males appeared to appease Hailey, the female. One interesting memory comes to mind. Once Josh, whose method of determining who was in control of the music for the car ride home from Main Event, may have been predetermined to choose the female. He asked everyone to choose a number from 1-4 and Hailey chose the right one, which was 2. This very well could have been the case and its no biggie if it were. However, Hailey chose a Justin Bieber song. I teasingly berated Josh saying "Who gave the aux to her". The group lowkey agreed but then tried to jam with the song choice. However, they weren't feeling it. ANd the icing on the cake was Josh saying "I feel so emasculated right now". This whole story is just something I want to take note of. In hinsight, I should of taken control of the aux after that song and played "House of Cards" by Radiohead, but I wasn't tapped in at that moment. Tapping in, being present is the best. |
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leafboy
September 12, 2024, 4:08 PM
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Its been about 8 weeks since I graduated from college. How has my life changed from then? -Probably the best thing is that I have gotten in better shape. Inconsistent with a diet plan, but the frequency of weightlifting and cardio has increased. I can jog 3 miles relatively comfortably. Another change is my love for pickleball. I'm in love with playing pickleball. When I was on a good no fap streak, I had so much energy that I could go to the gym and play pickleball in the same day. I relapsed yesterday and noticed I didn't have the confidence to go up to the park and ask a random team if I could join in on their game. I haven't done that before, but it felt like I had the ability to do it when I was on my streak, Right now, my confidence has been struck. I feel less capable than I did previously. Relapsing is quite devastating for me. The best I can do is learn from my relapse. A big red flag was the rationilzation to smoke that one sliver of weed remaining the bong bowl piece. However, after talking to Bhalo yesterday, the bigger problem is that I am not focusing my energy towards a higher goal. Aiming for a goal, especially a goal relating to an occupation, will naturally channel my energy towards productivity. Smoking weed is not a productive thing. Like in no case is it. Unless you're an artist and it helps with creative projects. |
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leafboy
August 20, 2024, 1:26 AM
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| Inner work is needed for the preparation of the RBT position. Or a counselor. When Nailah said to me "You're a man of the people", it felt like a challenge to my current self-belief. Like, there was resistance of accepting that sentiment. She clarified saying you listen to others, caring, and (some other thing she said). I think it would be beneficial to do some visualization manifestation exercises. Mentally prepare myself. Being of service to others requires a shift in how I present myself to the world. | |
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