leafboy
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Celibate one year
Star this Commitment
Week 47 of 52
leafboy commits to:
No p*rn consumption
No masturbation
13
33
Last reported: No report submitted
Next report due:
May 6
4:00 AM GMT
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My Commitment Journal
 leafboy
April 22, 2024, 4:38 PM
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Unfortunately, on 420 I relapsed on my semen retention journey. I realize that if I were to smoke, it is only for social occasions. Similarly, this applies to my gaming tendencies. Essentially, I don't seek it out, it shall come to me. "You should not go to them... Let them come to you" -The Smiths. I realize there is still a lot of growing up for me to do. This is partly why I am seeking to isolate myself more often. I believe there are some dangers to self-isolation, but I believe there is a lot of good it can do. The Good: -Giving myself space. Using this space for the self to utilize as a period of reflecting (As I'm doing now). -Assuming I do not distract myself w/ entertainment, This can be used as time to invest in a attributes and can result in measurable ROI's. -This can include exercise (measurable growth includes strength, endurance, BMI, and overall health), reading (Ingraining rich complex arguments, stories, ideas, skills, etc.... knowledge is power), skills like learning guitar (I want to build a skill tree on this one. I don't want to be discouraged when learning this skill, so I will create a skill tree diagram for this skill). The bad of social isolation: -Adjusting to being alone. (I am used to always gravitating to my family for social connection. While I always appreciate I have great family bonds with most of my family members, their negative attributes are not desirable for my own growth as a person. So while it is important to maintain family connections, Use periods of time Sorry I just had to write out that I need to confront my dad about taking care of my mom. I think its his responsibility to take care of my mom, and make sure she is taken care of. Me and my brothers should be left to our own devices for self-sufficiency but taking care of my mother is his responsibility. He doesn't have to take care of us, but I do want him to take care of mom. Anyways, another con of self-isolation is the dangers of succumbing to devilish temptations while alone. The best solution I've seen for this problem is literally succumbing to a higher power. This is just a battle you can't win alone. I've tried many, many times, and when I think I can do it on my own, I painfully realize I cannot. Thus, the solution of defeating the devil is to fall back into the guidance of God, and being a slave to his command. The dilemma I currently face with this is "Which body of faith to worship". See, it does make sense for me to remain true to Islam, b/c my background and heritage is from Islam, my name comes from Islam, and Islam is a highly revered religion. Meaning one devotes one life to Allah. Islam does a really good job in revering God, as in every time you reference "Allah swt" the SWT is always attached to Allah's name. SWT means Subhanahu Wa ' Ta'ala, which in English means "Glory to him, the Exalted". Anyways I got distracted into a Islamic rabbit hole for the past 30 minutes. I was reading about the major sins and good deeds in Islam. The most major sin I've seen repeatedly online is Shirk, which means to hold other Gods in the same level of reverence in Allah. This basically means you cannot be polytheistic or worship any other God besides Allah swt. Which means, when I revert to my Islamic teachings, I only have Allah in my heart. I have to submit to Allah. My life may drastically change once I repent for my sins. I don't want to believe I've considered major sin, but the fac that I have turned away from Allah since I was younger indeed proves that I have fallen off the path. My life may have been completely different if my relationship with Allah was cultivated more lovingly in the past. But the past is gone, and I only have the present moment with me now. Anyways, another thing I want to everyday is to journal. This is another way to communicate with myself, check up on myself, and not be completely overwhelmed by the world. I've noticed that when I do journal, I always end up leaving the writing session with more clarity and having less on baggage in my subconscious mind. These writings do not have to be solely online or handwritten form. I know for each journal entry, it will be written as DAY one, day two, etc. for each journal entry. Notice it is not SR, although I will be practicing SR until I get married so it will be implied :D. Of course, God forbid there be any relapse. If there is, I will surely tell myself the truth. May God alleviate my suffering, and prosper in the best way I can. May God give me the strength to overcome my trials, and keep on the straight path. May God purify my soul and forgive my transgressions. |
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leafboy
April 10, 2024, 1:13 PM
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Things have been going well. Overall, I am learning that if I want to change, I have to sacrifice an energy investment and use that investment towards something else I want. I want to be a guitar player. I want to be able to play "Dust in the Wind", some of the The Smiths songs, and some video game music. I also want to be well read. Read great works of literature like Crime and Punisment and The Republic. In order to make these changes, I have to drop certain habits naturally fall into. Things like playing videogames. WHen I come home, I instinctiely want to play some games. That or watching TV has become my biggest distraction. However these things have stagnated myself for far too long. Enough is enough. Will I still watch TV or play video games? Sure. But I won't pursue them. I'll let them come to me as I know they will. Tis is the nature of temptations. |
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leafboy
February 9, 2024, 3:59 AM
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| I like journaling without giving context. I literally just dive in and just give you straight up what I am thinking. It helps get rid of that annoying filter that inhibits the flow of my writing. I love feeling the flow. It makes me feel I am releasing what needs to be released. If I be in flow for extended periods of time, or even eternal flow state, I don't see how that can be detrimental. Perhaps the effort is futile, but why would it be? If life was conducted in a continual flow state, that would be amazing right? | |
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leafboy
February 9, 2024, 3:56 AM
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What could have I improved today? When Abigail told me to pass out each table their paper clip, I didn't listen to her and handed out papers to each group that were not associated with a particular paper clip. This resulted in different tables having different emojis to identify which was inefficient on my part because I then spent some time trying to fix my mistake and didn't sort each group to a particular emoji. The issue wasn't that big of a deal because when it came time to identify the emojis, we asked the whole class, "who wants to do this emoji" and those kids volunteer quite easily. Another thing I could have improved today was what I did when I got back home from school. I don't regret eating around 4PM but, I noticed I felt more lethargic after eating those chicken nuggets after eating chicken roast and rice. I surprisingly didn't feel tired after eating some of that chicken roast and rice, and it kept me well satiated, however a thought came into my mind that kept pointing me to get more protein, but the chicken nuggets was not the play. I either could have ate more chicken roast, or just eat some other whole food and be satisfied with what I ate. I realized whole foods really is the key. Additionally, after doing yoga nidra, and eating, I could have walked around the neighborhood for like 3 rounds and then head out to the library. When I got home, my parents really got me doing errands and stuff for them. I serve my parents because they took care of me and I carry that sense of obligation to always help them. During my stay at home, I just wanted to not really work and relax so I was watching comedy routines and stuff. Something subtle I noticed though was resentment. I noticed I felt angry when Abbu and Ammu kept asking me for stuff. It came out a bit when I was massaging Ammu... it's hard to explain exactly what I did because it was subtle but I'm sure Ammu could tell that I was feeling fed up with doing this stuff. Then I recognize a sense of guilt that comes from it. The solution that first came to my head was mentioned previously, with me going to the library after walking. That way, I stay busy and they are forced to ask Rudy for favors and stuff. I believe I do more mini tasks and errands than Rudy. Anyways, it is getting late. The plan of action is to wake up at 3AM and start grinding math. |
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